Monday, December 17, 2007

"Absolute World" Magazine

Disclaimer: This magazine is a fabrication of a male magazine. We attempted to spin the gender stereotypes to exemplify and satirize how women are typically portrayed by the media and in magazines. This was not an attempt to make fun of men in any way. Here is our creation.



Table Of Contents
Cover Stories
  • Real Life: My Penis will Never be the Same
  • Diary of a Shy Male Model: Memoirs of Matt Sour, MODEL
  • Diet Myths: Exposed

Real Life: My Penis will Never be the Same
By: Richard Seaton

Ever since I was younger, I have been self conscious about the size of my penis. The worst time of the day in high school would be coming in from gym class and having to “hit the showers” with all the guys in my class. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is this it? Will it ever grow?” My life got worse when I came to college and met a girl that I really liked. One night when we got intimate, I took off my pants and she put hers back on. I was mortified. Since then, I have been very selective as to who I have exposed myself to, both physically and emotionally. Most girls have laughed at the size of my penis, or made excuses to take themselves out of sexual situations with me. I thought my luck had changed when I met Jessica.* I had just graduated college and was working for a small publishing firm in the city. She was everything I could have wanted in a girl: beautiful, intelligent and passionate. We dated for nearly a year, until I exposed her to my embarrassing secret. Before we got intimate, I explained my history with other girls and the problems that had arisen from our sexual encounters. Being a nurse at a doctor’s office, she explained to me that even though she would always love me for who I was, she knew of some medical procedures that could help me increase the size of my penis and change my life forever. There are two different widely used implant surgeries that are commonly suggested to men with impotency problems. However, there have also been cases, similar to mine, where men get one of these two surgeries to increase the size of the penis. The first implant that she explained was an implant of an inflatable device that could be manually inflated to create an erection and deflated at other times. The second type of implant is called a semirigid implant, which although less expensive, is less commonly used because it is more stiff an thus puts more constant pressure on the inside of the penis.

After setting up a consultation with Doctor Snipper that was recommended by Jessica’s office, I opted for the inflatable implants because they are more natural. The next week was one of the most uncomfortable times in my life, but I thought it would all be over soon and I would, for once in my life, feel normal. The surgery went relatively well, but the recovery was painful and exhausting. For a year, I felt more manly than I have ever felt before. Then, all of a sudden, I started to have pains in my penis. I went back to the doctor, where he conducted X-rays and tests that revealed the complications that resulted from my surgery. The doctor had placed the implants in backwards. The incorrect placement of the implants caused pressure necrosis, or the death of tissue due to loss of blood supply to the cells. The damage was irreversible and the implant had to be removed. He also had to amputate the tip of my penis. Currently, I am awaiting my trial against Doctor Snipper for his negligence in conducting my surgery. Although only 5% of men that have this surgery have horror stories like mine, the risk of having part of your penis amputated is reason enough to reconsider your self image and think long and hard before you decide to participate in a procedure like this. My life has been changed forever, and not in the way I anticipated. Half of my penis was cut off and through all of this, Jessica left me. My life will never be the same again.
*Names have been changed


DIARY OF A SHY MALE MODEL
From the Memoirs of Matt Sour, MODEL
“I’m really a shy guy, but I take my clothing off for money and fame”
Everyone always said I was photogenic when I was growing up and that if I modeled, I would be worth a million bucks. I never even thought about the fact that I could make it a career. After failing out of college, I decided to take their advice. If I couldn’t make it for my brains, then maybe beauty was the way to go. I rented the first two seasons of America’s Next Top Model and took as many notes as I could. Granted, some of the information that I learned was not applicable to a male model, but most of it made sense.
I emailed back and forth with an agent from a top modeling firm. It had taken almost a month for him to respond to my initial email. He was impressed with the snapshots that I had sent him and requested a meeting with me. His first words to me were, “You are so glamour.” I took a step back immediately, a little scared. I knew what glamour modeling entailed. It was the kind of modeling that appeared in high fashion magazines and in advertisements. It also required modeling in compromising positions with female models. I know I am good looking, but the idea of posing with girls scares the hell out of me. My thoughts were racing…. I act like a fool around females. I had banked on runway modeling or even commercial modeling being what I was suitable for. It was going to be very difficult for me to break out of my shell, but it was what I would need to do in order to make it in this business.
My first photo shoot was an emotional disaster. It was for an up and coming high fashion designer whose ad would appear in all the hot magazines. I was to pose in only my underwear. It was hard to deal with only being in my underwear, but I kept telling myself it was a little less than a normal bathing suit. What made it so hard was the fact that there was an extremely famous female model straddling my waist in only underwear as well, no bra. We had to stare into each others eyes and I had to hold her up against the wall using my arms only. It was physically demanding, but not knowing the female and being in such a compromising position was strange. I felt embarrassed about myself at that point. It was an experience that made me feel a little cheap and that my only life skill was being beautiful.
I still feel a mixture of guilt and self-consciousness about being paid for doing something that not only made me uncomfortable and put me in compromising positions, but that I was getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for it. It felt like prostitution almost, the way I was exposing myself for fame. Is it really fair that I take my clothing off and get paid so much? Probably not… I will admit, I do it for the money and the fame. It does not feel great to be only known or beauty, but it provides a comfortable life style. That matters most in life to me. I still act horribly awkward in front of the female models and I most definitely embarrass myself a lot by doing stupid things, but each shoot it gets a little easier, and I get a little richer…


Diet Myths: Exposed
by Nate Haggy

Okay, fellas. The holidays are quickly approaching and Santa's on his way! But we all know he's not the only fatty blob that hangs around during the month of December. Yep, that's right. The pounds are comin to town!
And what are YOU going to do about it? I'm here to help!
Even for the manliest men who want to lose that flub and really mean it, the following diet myths are thrown in their faces over and over again. My mission is to help set the record straight.

So come on boys, 86 the egg nog and leave the cookies to Santa, because HERE.. are the hottest diet myths, exposed.

Diet Myth 1: f you eat late at night, the food turns straight into fat.
Not true. You can certainly snickity snack after dinnertime, just be sure to keep your overall calories under what is appropriate for your weight . Late night calories will get used eventually, yet for the sake of energy, it might be better to eat your calories during the day when your body needs the fuel. Plus, eating consistently throughout the day will stabilize blood sugar levels, so you’ll feel energized and experience fewer cravings. If you are going to snack after hours, I suggest choosing something nutritious and with 250 calories or less. A banana or handful of nuts anyone?

Det Myth 2: Fresh fruits and vegetables are more nutritious than frozen.
Not necessarily. Frozen can be a fabulous option for produce - just avoid varieties with added salt, sugar and sauce. Most people don't realize it but frozen foods are ideal because they are picked at peak ripeness and because most of the nutrients stay locked in. The main downfall in walking down the frozen food aisle is that the fruit and vegetables available there not nearly enough nutrient variability like their fresh counterparts do. Bottom line boys: Buy both fresh and frozen and eat as munch as you can.

Diet Myth 3: Cravings are your body's way of telling you it needs something.
Who proved that?! Cravings are your body's way of telling you it needs something.This has never been proven. You normally crave what you like to eat (or smell or see someone else eating). Also, hormonal changes are sometimes responsible for food cravings. Ice cream and pickles anyone?

Diet Myth 4: Water is always better than soda.
Nope! Check those labels! There are some caloric waters out there. With sexy marketing ploys, it's easy to get sucked in. But come on guys, wouldn't you rather eat 10 sugar cubes or a bag of jelly beans than suck the same number of calories down in a couple swigs of Vitamin Water?

Diet Myth 5: Exercise in the morning burns more calories.
Not necessarily! Studies show that people who exercise in the morning tend to be more consistent with their daily workouts, yet the very act of exercising in the a.m. does not actually burn more calories than it does later in the day. Aren't you glad to know that you'd be just as productive in calorie burning, if not more, with an hour of sex before bed than with huffing and puffing on the treadmill the moment you wake up?


Diet Myth 6: Certain foods, like grapefruit, celery, or cabbage soup can burn fat and make you lose weight.
These are anecdotal stories silly! Where's the scientific back up? It’s true these foods are low in calories, but they do NOT actually burn fat.

Diet Myth 7: You can “save” calories by skipping breakfast.
You bet not boys! Studies report that breakfast eaters weigh less than breakfast skippers. Just make it a healthy breakfast, obvi! So go ahead, grab your banana boys and laugh at those petty Breakfast Skippers, for studies show that they tend to overeat after dinner.


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